I feel like Heavenly Father has made it obvious that the lesson I’ve needed in my life these past three weeks is PATIENCE. It took three weeks for me to become aware of my impatience I’ve had with myself, and especially with God’s timing.
Patience is the capacity to endure affliction without anger, anxiety, worrying or being nervous. Being patient is following Gods timing and will. To fully “Let Thy will be done.” To me, patience is clearly a Godly attribute. Which honestly scares me to death that I struggle with it so bad, when it’s undoubtedly an attribute we all need.
It’s sometimes hard for me to go with the flow. Ever since I decided to go on a mission I’ve been 1,000 X’s more worried about marriage. LIKE AM I GOING TO BE A GRANDMA AND NEVER MARRY? I dissect my Patriarchal Blessing over and over again. I rehearse in my head how old I’ll be when I get home, and how every guy I’ve ever known will already be married, and my best friends will all have six kids going on seven. I’ll meet lots of single guys at college and they’ll all find out I’m an RM and freak out and go date then marry all the new 18 year old freshman. (lol oh yeah my mission is only 18 months not 12 years.)
But seriously! It freaks me out! Why can’t I just have a glimpse of who my husband will be, and what my family will be like?? I show Heavenly Father my impatience every single day just by the small worried thoughts that fly by in my mind. Neil A Maxwell said,
“Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient we are suggesting that we know what is best—better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His. Either way we are questioning the reality of God’s omniscience as if, as some seem to believe, God were on some sort of postdoctoral fellowship and were not quite in charge of everything.”
I pray every single day to feel the spirit stronger and help prepare me for what’s coming in my future, and the motivation to do it. But then 5 minutes later I think, “Who am I going to marry? I want to marry someone exactly that is this way, or that way. Man, I really wish I wasn’t going through this right now. WHY AM I GOING THROUGH THIS RIGHT NOW? Why do I have to go on a mission at this time instead of earlier? I’m 20! Almost 21! What was the point in changing the age when I didn’t even heed to the call and go a year and a half ago?” Etc. Obviously that’s pretty dramatic. But really, I do question why my life is happening the way it is, rather than the way I planned it in my head. I didn’t realize that every single day, my impatience is a flashing red light showing Satan and Heavenly Father that I am questioning the reality of God’s omniscience. And what better way to lose the spirit, and the Light than to question God’s timing, and show Satan that I am shakable, and weak.
The good news is that God is patient with us. (Like I said, patience is a Godly attribute) He is there to lift us up. He is there to give us patience to endure. He’s there to help us understand that patience isn’t just getting bye with a smile on your face, but more to know that it’s enduring because we’ll be happier that way, and more refined.
Elder Maxwell puts it perfect,
“Patience helps us to use, rather than to protest, these seeming flat periods of life, becoming filled with quiet wonder over the past and with anticipation for that which may lie ahead, instead of demeaning the particular flatness through which we may be passing at the time. We should savor even the seemingly ordinary times, for life cannot be made up all of kettledrums and crashing cymbals. There must be some flutes and violins. Living cannot be all crescendo; there must be some dynamic contrast.”
How much happier my mission will be because of the extra preparation I’ve gotten from not leaving right when I was 19 when the age was changed. How much happier I will be to find a husband who has prepared for me, and I for him for at LEAST 18 extra months. How much more LOVE I will have for my family from leaving them for 18 months, to help other families become closer to the Lord. There are literally no “cons”, “downs” or “negatives” to being patient, and trusting in the Lord’s timing. I can’t say it is easy, but I know from experience that God does know me personally, and He knows exactly what will make me a better person, more God-like, and more prepared to live with Him again. He has placed me on this Earth for a wise and glorious purpose. With my impatience I’ll never understand my purpose, but with the patience He gives me, I will be able to do His will and find my purpose. And because I know that, I know that when I ask in faith to receive more patience, He gladly gives me enough to get by until I ask again. He waits for me to asks so that He can bless me. For that I’m extremely grateful, and definitely humbled.
With patience from God, we can literally fulfill any wise and glorious purpose He has created us for. It just makes sense that if God put us here for a glorious purpose, then He has a glorious way for us to follow patiently.
If you want to read an INCREDIBLE talk, pull out your dictionary and keep it near as you read Patience, by Neil A. Maxwell.
Happy Sunday xoxo